COLLEGE FOOTBALL – WEEK 6 – 2k19
Well, it’s official. It’s the best time of year to be a sports fan. Today there are playoff baseball games, college football games, and regular season hockey games. Some would argue it’s the spring time when the hockey and basketball playoffs are heating up and baseball is just underway. But I say NAY! October is the month of sports! In fact, TOB has informed the special lady that the preferred month to have a child is May. Up until recently it didn’t seem like it would affect the Blues, the Cardinals season is just getting started, and no football to worry about for months. The spring has it’s positives (weather getting warmer, sun dresses come back out, it’s not dark when I leave for and come home from work), but October is IT for sports. Back to the annoying / confusing / disgusting commercials:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRbpDOsnzqs
How gross does this look? TOB’s special lady orders her queso dip with a spoon, and she recoiled at this product exclaiming, “That looks nasty.” If there were a market for this product, it would be her. There is not, please stop trying to ruin people’s lives and put Norm McDonald back in your commercials. Surprisingly, only 790 calories (TOB expected at least one comma), but 50 grams of fat, 59 grams of carbs. Sorry keto friends, this is not for you either.
TOB knows what you are thinking…how is this article posted so early? Shouldn’t you be golfing right now, it’s such a perfect fall day? Is your special lady out of town so you can wake up whenever you want on the weekends? Well loyal readers (both of you), TOB wrote this article last night after getting accidentally caught in a crossfit bro conversation and sneaking out of the bar. Turns out crossfit people really enjoy talking to each other about how they don’t talk about crossfit…ironic, almost. Sounds like they had a great WOD on Thursday. Congrats, you’re a boner. A very fit boner, but still a boner.
All right, after a ho-hum last week, this has to be the week when the games get really exciting…right? “Wrong!” – Charlie Murphy. Why is LSU playing Utah State this far into the season? Wisconsin vs Kent State? GTFO. For the first time since the mid 1960’s (a time when one, not both, of TOB’s parents were alive) the teams ranked in the top 6 pre-season are still the top 6 teams. That means either none of these teams are playing tough opponents for the first five weeks (Georgia / ND was a big one), or the top 6 (even top 8 really) are very, very good. TOB tends to think it is the former, and hopefully here in the next few weeks we will see some good matchups with top teams taking a few lumps. The games worth mentioning:
· 14 Iowa at 19 Michigan (-4) – The NCAA just can’t quit Michigan. I guess they have to rank 25 teams, but this seems like a stretch. They snuck past Army (who has just come off of a 14-7 nail-biting victory over the powerhouse of Rice – Go Owls! For the record, Owls are vicious. They get a pass because people think they’re smart, but they can turn their heads all the way around, and their feet are razorblades. They belong in more horror movies, they’re terrifying.). Would be sweet if Michigan could win this game and a few more so Notre Dame pounding them would actually mean something. Same for USC, bums.
· 7 Auburn (-2.5) at 10 Florida – Florida beat an overrated Miami team in week 0 (sorry Nathan, they kind of suck. I happened to see that turnover chain on e-bay for about $8 last week. Maybe don’t pound your chest and be a bunch of dicks when you’re finally good and people won’t rub it in when you fall on hard times.), had a scare against Kentucky (who might just be a pretty solid team), then blew out Tennessee (definitely not a good team). Auburn has the more impressive win (Oregon) and should win this game if they really are a threat to Bama.
· 25 Michigan State at 4 Ohio State (-20) – Two ranked teams, but is it really a noteworthy game if the spread is 20? Seems like it, since I put it in this spot. Whatever, TOB will probably watch.
· Cal at 13 Oregon (-20) – j/k, just seeing if you were paying attention.
That’s pretty much it. As TOB lamented earlier, even the conference games kind of suck (Ole Miss vs Bama; Clemson vs UNC; OU vs Texas Tech; Ohio State vs Nebraska)
Further bitching/facts about the cupcake season (which may just be the season):
· Week 1 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 30.5
· Week 2 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 42.5
· Week 3 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 40
· Week 4 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 38.5
· Week 5 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 23.5
· Week 6 average point spread for the top 5 teams: 22
I guess it is trending down? Last week that 23 point average included Clemson’s one point win over UNC. It feels like games like that used to happen all the time. Maybe I was just drunk more often and remembered things being a lot more exciting. I’ll give that a shot this week and see how it feels...
“Countdown Until Urban Meyer Takes a D1 Job.” Tennessee is back on the hot seat, because they are likely going to get blowed out by Georgia. Could be in the 40-50 range. Hang a 60 burger on them Kirby.
· UCLA – 5:1
· Tennessee – 3:1
· USC: 5:1
· Michigan: 20:1
· Remains analyst: 100:1
TOB received a text message on Thursday that read the following, “just emailed you some top content.” Typically TOB will get a text on Saturday morning, right around publish time with Cheech’s picks. Now Cheech has time to crank out “Top Content” on a Thursday?!? This leads TOB to think one of two things must be true. 1 – Cheech’s new job is not all that demanding OR 2 – Christina is not speaking to Cheech for various reasons and he has a lot of free time around the house. Either way, keep that content coming buddy! Self-described “top content” below:
Robert the Cheech
Week 1: 1-4 - Yikes
Week 2: 5-0 – Yeah Bobby (6-4)
Week 3: 3-2 – Typical (9-6)
Week 4: 3-2 (12-8)
Week 5: 3-2 (15-10) Making Money!
· Wisconsin -24 over Northwestern - L
· Michigan State -14 over Indiana - L
· Notre Dame -10.5 over UVA - W
· Auburn -10 over MSU - W
· Ohio State -17 over Nebraska - W
Week 6:
· Michigan -3.5 over Iowa
Wisconsin is a 35 point favorite over Kent State. Why are they playing Kent State in October? This is so lame. The Big10 West is already super weak. I wish 'sconsin would actually play somebody decent once in a while. Their first 2 non-conference games (@USF and home to Central Michigan) have resulted in a combined score of 110-0. Way to go douche badgers. Ha, get it? My wallet wants me to put money on Wisconsin, but I refuse to do so out of spite, or principle, or something. I'll abstain.
Les Miles is a turd, KU football is a turd. Put them together and you get 2 turds. 32.5 point 'dogs at home to a conference foe (Oklahoma)? Why does this matchup even exists? Abstain.
More gripes: LSU is a 28 point favorite over Utah State; again, why is this happening? Purdue are 32.5 point 'dogs to Penn State. Stop sucking Purdue. Abstain from both.
· Eastern Michigan -6 over Central Michigan.
Now here's a matchup I can get fired up for! Intrastate and conference rivals, one program is on the up (EMU only had 7 wins from '12 through '15 but have gone to 2 bowl games in the past 3 seasons) and the other is on the decline. (The Chippewas went to 9 bowl games from '06 to '17, including the '07 gut wrenching loss to Purdue in the Motor City Bowl 48-51 which propelled then coach Brian Kelly on to Cincinnatti and then ND...but Central only won 1 game last year)
side note: how 'bout that research!
· Auburn -3 over Florida Another good one! I think the gators are fakers
· Toledo -1.5 over Western Michigan This game is right in my wheelhouse, and while I am partial to the Broncos, I'm taking the Rockets at home.
· Nebraska -7 over Northwestern
I really don't want to take the Huskers, but Northwestern has looked weak this year and Nebraska should bounce back at home after taking a beating last weak from Ohio State. Yikes that was silly.
Notre Dame is 45.5 point favorites over Bowling Green?!?! Thanks a lot, Irish. Sweep my self righteous pedestal right out from under me.
· Wisconsin -35 over Kent State
Something to ponder: First of all, this would never work or happen for a bazillion reasons. But, I think it would be fun to have some sort of promotion/relegation system in College Football. First, you keep it regional. Let's say you divide the country's 130 Division 1 programs into 4 regions, each with 4 divisions, so about 8 teams per division. You play the other 7 teams in your division once, one team each from the corresponding division in the other 3 conferences, and then 2 games vs teams from the other divisions in your conference. D1 teams play 2 games against D2 teams, D3 plays two game against D4 teams. This keeps a lot of the same rivalries, still includes some intriguing cross country matchups, and allows for some, but fewer, "easier" games without the ginormous point spreads. Additionally, you have a relatively balanced schedule built in, and it's already set up to have a 4 team playoff. Let's add in the pro/rel so that the top and bottom 1 or 2 teams from each division get promoted or relegated accordingly. So what if Tennessee fans get all religious about potentially (likely) missing the "3rd Saturday in Ocotber" matchup w/ Bama because they dropped to D2 or D3 of the Southeast Concference? You have to earn your right to play in that game. As it is, I'm sure Bama will be like 24 point favorites in a couple weeks against the Vols. That's dumb and it's dumb to fake your excitement for a game that will surely be a blowout.
Alternatively, you could do 8 conferences with 2 divisions if you wanted an 8 team playoff.
Think about it.... or don't because I don't want you poking holes in my theory. Where's my coffee beer?
TOB
Week 1: 2-2 with 1 push – slowly losing money
Week 2: push
Week 3: push
Week 4: (5-4-1)
Week 5: 2-3 (7-7-1) Just burning money, 10% at a time
· Notre Dame -10.5 over UVA – W
· Wisconsin -24 over Northwestern – L
· USC +11 over Washington – L
· Utah -6 over Washington State – W
· BYU -2.5 over Toledo – L
Week 6:
· Auburn -2 over Florida – See previous analysis and “top content”
· Iowa +4 over Michigan – TOB wants Michigan to win, but they just aren’t very good. Iowa is too consistent, upset alert!
· Texas -11 over West Virginia – Mizzou rolled WVU, and they lost to Wyoming. By some sort of transitive property UT should beat the crap out of them.
· Ohio State -20 over Michigan State – Ohio State seems to be on a mission to prove that just because Urban left doesn’t mean they are going to fall to pieces. A 30 point win over a ranked rival will help that cause.
· Cal +20 over Oregon – Too many points for teams that are probably not that far from each other talent wise. Oregon still gets a public bump because people think Chip Kelly is still coaching there. In a story TOB broke weeks ago, it turns out he hasn’t coached there for about 5 years.
As discussed last week, TOB attended the final Cardinal game of the regular season. Much to TOB’s delight, Dexter Fowler hit a homerun in his second at bat, securing the OPS title over Jason Heyward with an astounding .745. League average is .750. Hard to believe we spent so much time debating, worrying about, talking about two very average players. TOB also won $20 from Dragon’s crossfit buddy for Kyle Schwarber not finishing in the top 20 in OPS in MLB. He finished ranked 52, despite having a much better year than TOB expected. According to said Cub’s fan, Schwarber had the third highest homerun rate in MLB (unverified).
GO IRISH! GO CARDS!
-Tonyonball
