COLLEGE FOOTBALL – WEEK 7
And just like that, TOB has back to back weeks with an article before sunrise. How? Well, a product of having the fall flu and a cabin in the woods. Well, sort of. TOB still isn’t sure what the situation will be in Galena, IL where this weekend has taken us. Wait, don’t a lot of famous writers go to isolated locations to cut themselves off from the world and produce some of their best work? Yeah, that’s the ticket! Unfortunately this was written prior to arriving at said cabin (or whatever our lodging will be), so be prepared for more mediocrity! But first, TOB is going to go a different direction, and give a shout out to a funny commercial:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrxmUjHmIDU
Something about the dismissive nature of, “What do you do for fun?” “Not this.” Kills me every time. Another shout out, College Football related, to the University of Cincinnati. Well done right here:
TOB has no reason to hate UCF, necessarily, aside from their claim of co-national champions a couple of years back. In all reality, they probably do get jobbed a bit because they play in a smaller conference. Oh well, that tweet is hilarious either way. Suck it nerds.
It’s finally here! A great slate of games for Saturday. The games worth mentioning:
· 6 Oklahoma (-10.5) at 11 Texas – Oklahoma keeps on rolling, and seems determined to get a third consecutive Heisman Trophy with a third consecutive transfer QB. Lincoln Riley, that’s the Redskins on the phone, they just made you a John Gruden offer…
· 1 Alabama (-17) at 24 Texas A&M – Alabama’s first actual game this season after a 5 game preseason (all due respect to…nevermind, it really doesn’t matter). It’s been tough sledding for old Jimbo this year, already having played Clemson and Auburn. They may be too beat up already to keep this one close.
· Michigan State at 8 Wisconsin (-10.5) – Not a ranked matchup, but what does Wisconsin have to do to get in the top 5? Oh wait, all of the teams above them haven’t lost yet either. Blowout potential here. How many more years does D’Antonio have left? Michigan’s other biggest rival, and the school Saban left before winning a National Title??? Oh my God, that’s Urban Meyer’s music!
· USC at 9 Notre Dame (-11) – USC has been a Jekyl and Hyde team all year (wins over ranked Stanford and Utah, loss to BYU), while Notre Dame hasn’t really been their typical “play to their opponent” selves. This game may be more about how fired up USC is coming in. Bad weather isn’t yet hitting the Midwest (game time conditions: 53 degrees, sunny) so ND won’t quite have the full home field advantage over the soft California kids (note: half of Notre Dame’s roster is from Florida, Texas, and California…or not, I actually couldn’t find that information, so I’ll just assume).
· 10 Penn State (-3.5) at 17 Iowa – Iowa could have vaulted into the top 10 with a win last week at Michigan, but instead lost an absolute snoozefest 10-3. Penn State is on a mission to take over the Big 10 East. So long as this game goes over 13.5, it should be worth watching.
· 7 Florida at 5 LSU (-13.5) – No respect for Florida after pounding Auburn? TOB and fellow TOB contributor Robert the Cheech are still out on Florida as a real team due to their lack of offense. This is a ton of points for a defense that is playing really well. LSU seems to finally have a quarterback who can sling it, but in the words of Timmy, “come awan.”
Wow, six GREAT games. One in the BIG10 spot (11 am), two in the SEC spot (2:30) and three around prime time. Throw in some playoff baseball and this is shaping up to be a nice little Saturday in the woods!
Further bitching/facts about the cupcake season (which may just be the season):
· Week 1 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 30.5
· Week 2 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 42.5
· Week 3 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 40
· Week 4 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 38.5
· Week 5 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 23.5
· Week 6 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 29.5 – come on!
· Week 7 average point spread for the top 5 teams: 20 – better?
The trend continues in the right direction, to tighter games, but 20 is still a ton. That also includes #5 LSU playing #7 Florida (noted above), who had a big win over Auburn last week (TOB did not see that coming). Two of the four playing this week have ranked conference opponents on the board (Ohio State has a bye), Clemson doesn’t have any more ranked opponents left, and Georgia gets South Carolina.
“Countdown Until Urban Meyer Takes a D1 Job.” Michigan State is the hot new destination, as reported on the internet…well, as reported on TOB, right now. D’Antonio has had health scares before, he’s no spring chicken (or summer chicken for that matter, he’s 63), and they may just get thrashed at the hands of Wisconsin.
· UCLA – 5:1
· Tennessee – 3:1
· USC: 5:1
· Michigan: 20:1
· Michigan State: 10:1
· Remains analyst: 100:1
Now for the picks!
Robert the Cheech
Week 1: 1-4 - Yikes
Week 2: 5-0 – Yeah Bobby (6-4)
Week 3: 3-2 – Typical (9-6)
Week 4: 3-2 (12-8)
Week 5: 3-2 (15-10) Making Money!
Week 6: 3-3 (18-13) Welcome to my life, Robby
· Michigan -3.5 over Iowa - W
· Eastern Michigan -6 over Central Michigan - L
· Auburn -3 over Florida - L
· Toledo -1.5 over Western Michigan - W
· Nebraska -7 over Northwestern - L
· Wisconsin -35 over Kent State – W
Week 7:
· Mizzou -12.5 over Ole Miss
· Wisconsin -10.5 over Michigan State
· AZ State -1 over Washington State
· Eastern Michigan -1.5 over Ball State
· Bowling Green +26.5 over Toledo
TOB
Week 1: 2-2 with 1 push – slowly losing money
Week 2: push
Week 3: push
Week 4: (5-4-1)
Week 5: 2-3 (7-7-1) Just burning money, 10% at a time
Week 6: 2-2-1 (9-9-2) Has there ever been a more mediocre gambler? Yeah, probably
· Auburn -2 over Florida – L
· Iowa +4 over Michigan – L
· Texas -11 over West Virginia – Push
· Ohio State -20 over Michigan State – W
· Cal +20 over Oregon – W
Week 7:
· Florida +13.5 over LSU
· Virginia +2.5 over Miami
· Texas +10.5 over Oklahoma
· 16 Michigan +22 over Illinois – Michigan loves to beat the crap out of shitty teams
· 8 Wisconsin over Michigan State – see above
One more wrinkle this week with the picks. A few years back, TOB regretfully paid a betting service to give out picks. That lasted about a month, TOB lost more money than he was comfortable with, and thankfully a bet has not been placed since. However, TOB still gets flooded with picks from random numbers on Thursdays and Fridays. Well, let’s see how these assholes do! The cost per month for a service like this is $200. We will take that into account, and put $100 on each of their bets. I’ll pick 5 each week and see if it would have been a good investment after four weeks. Here we go:
· Colorado State -3.5 over New Mexico (Will Buckley)
· LSU -13 over Florida (Walter Perry)
· Oklahoma -10.5 over Texas (Walter Perry)
· Boise State -12 over Hawaii (Walter Perry)
· UAB -12 over UTSA (Walter Perry)
Hard to believe this St. Louis Cardinals team is hosting an NLCS playoff series. Oh well, Cardinals going to Cardinal.
GO IRISH! GO CARDS!
-Tonyonball
