College!!!!
We’re Baaaaaack!
Classic off topic intro: Noticed Shaboozy is doing the intro song for Monday Night Football. Can’t believe he was available; good snag ESPN. Ever since TOB was introduced to Shaboozy (last Thanksgiving, when TOB assumed an artist named “Shaboozy” must be some young edgy female pop star – a Kesha type, only to find out that it’s actually the opposite), he has participated in nearly every minor event that could reasonably be expected to have a live performance (halftimes, Christmas Specials, Sitcom promos, etc.). May as well strike while the iron is hot, Shaboozy, this may be your 15 minutes. TOB is reminded of another artist from right around 2000 with a hit song, unique look, and appeared to be everywhere (including a classic Will Ferrell as Robert Goulet skit where he sings a ‘Capella.) If you are between the ages of 39 and 48, you remember hearing the “Thong Song” every 20 minutes for about nine months many years ago. Then Sisqo is hanging with Carson Daly at TRL, he’s on Letterman, and Leno, and Conan, and Craig Ferguson (sickos only). He’s co-hosting some PG-13 Spring Break on MTV. Look, he has silver hair! Oh wow, he can do a backflip! Shaboozy = Sisqo 2.0.
Commercial break: TOB is a well known commercial enthusiast. Nothing too spicy to report over the last 10 months. However, word on the “street” is, Progressive Insurance has recently acquired all of the State Farm vehicular policies. FYI, the “street” is Glen Echo Country Club, the “word” was given by friend of the column, Mike Hill. Mike is a lawyer who deals in subrogation, which is why he is in the know on such matters. Of course, TOB had to ask what “Subrogation Law” was all about, and after a lengthy explanation, TOB nodded in understanding as he quickly googled “Subrogation Law.” After digging two to three websites deep into “Subrogation Law,” TOB is proud to report that it has something to do with car insurance companies. So it’s confirmed, and this is great news! We have had a good run with Jake from State Farm 2.0 (90% of America) but it’s time for some new (or old) blood. Flo and the gang have run their course, appear to be on the way out. That leaves the room for “Becoming Your Parents” to really explore the space! TOB has 20 in-law situations to run with involving low stakes and high drama. We have yet to see a Thanksgiving drunk aunt; a white elephant Christmas; the ideas basically write themselves. You’re welcome, Flo.
Light weekend in CFB outside of the Big 10. OU/TX was looking to be a good game…in July. IU going into Oregon will show if the Big 10 is once again Oregon, Ohio State, and everyone else. It was Michigan, Ohio State, and everyone else until last season. Penn State has never been a part of that conversation, never will; James Franklin has continued to bark bigger than his bite. Then he tucks his tail: “We also lost some players in that game during the week, and then everything else. Everything else. Travel. Everything else.” Oh no, not Travel!
Hardcore game breakdowns:
Bama / Mizzou: should be a good game of “real or fake.”
WSU / Ole Miss: Time for Trinidad to make the Heisman Push. Stat padding game
OU / Texas: Arch to the transfer portal – Manning Cast
VT / GT: Will GT be favored against Georgia later in the season??
LSU / South Carolina: LSU better win this game, may lose their next 3 and get Brian “Fumly” Kelly fired. Too bad he couldn’t recruit those players that went to the National Title Game with ND. Guess they couldn’t get into LSU (classic sour grapes)
Dabo Swinney will be the next coach of the Miami Dolphins. Adam Scheffter has yet to confirm, but you can put that one in ink. He is halfway through his 10 year contract ($57M buyout if he leaves Clemson after this year). After 18 seasons at Clemson, winning two National Titles, and cranking out top NFL draft picks, it may be time for a change of scenery for both sides. It’s been 7 years since the last Title, and the team has consistently performed worse year over year. Swinney is a relatively young coach (55) given his tenure and success. As an Alabama alum, it would make sense for him to swing on over to Tuscaloosa when they tire of Kalen DeBoer, a seemingly weekly saga. Best to let that simmer for a bit, that job will be there in a few years when the fanbase is over expecting a Title every other year. Let them get a taste of 7-5 for a few years, then ride back in like the conquering hero when you bring them back to 9-3 (and not 11-1 because you still refuse to properly use the transfer portal). Dabo just beat the crap out of Bill Belichek. He’s seen Steve Spurrier, Nick Saban, and Urban Meyer all fail at the NFL level (say what you will about Saban, he’s never been caught mid-season finger blasting a 23 year old). Dabo is convinced he’s in the same class as those coaches in the college ranks (he’s wrong, but one can dream), he would love to prove that can do it at the NFL level. And, he probably saw how much money the Panthers are still paying Matt Rhule. Go grab some Miami cash, acquire and break a cocaine habit, then enjoy being introduced as the 2030 head coach of the Crimson Tide.
Game 5 baseball rules!
Next week’s topics:
· MLB Playoffs / Awards
· Commercial Breakdowns / local pumpkin patch reviews
· CFB “analysis” and further non-sense predictions
· Best vacation drinks & Mexico Bender rundown
· Year 2 of the expanded playoff, how is it affecting the regular season
· Soccer -just kidding, we’re not dicks (Onion Sportsdome)
-TOB
