College Week 7...or is it 8?
Oh yeah! Three weeks in a row! This is likely some sort of record; and finally a justification for owning this domain. Worried we don’t have enough content for three straight weeks? Worries justified, this one may be a little thin on jokes…and analysis…and general content; but hey, it’s free!
TOB and current wife recently acquired a male puppy (in lieu of having another child – six months in, not sure which one would have been more of a stressor…j/k). The big discussion lately has been when to neuter said puppy (let’s call him Kevin from here on out, mostly because that is his name). As a young boy, Bob Barker would advocate to get rid of those things immediately. He likely brainwashed an entire generation of kids skipping school just to see what the showcase showdown would be. TOB’s other dog, let’s call him Dylan, was involuntarily castrated at about 12 weeks. During a margarita fueled discussion with the wife’s feminist friend (they all have one or two), it was pointed out (by TOB) that balls on a dog are a funny site and generally bring a smile to most people. This led to TOB missing the one-time trend of balls on truck hitches. Apparently this attitude is only shared by her husband and TOB, clear misogynist. Have no fear, after a quick search, Truck Nuts are alive and well! Turns out TOB and this particular feminist just moved to parts of town where they are frowned upon (live and let live people). They even sell glow in the dark ones now! Elon, if you’re reading this, can we get a “Ball Drop” button on the new Plaid that will lower some nuts on command? If anyone would do it, it’s the guy who tried to buy Wikipedia so he could rename it “Dikipedia.”
Commercial Updates:
Eli Manning needs to get out of my Danny Devito commercials. This better not be a Kurt Warner / Eli Manning transition situation. Frank Reynolds has a lifetime contract with Jersey Mikes, hopefully Eli is just passing through.
Classic dad being embarrassing alert:
Well done Amazon, but I still won’t buy from you (no worries, TOB’s wife buys enough for both of us).
Now to the good stuff!
Team hires man, man convinces team he is God to get huge contract, team realizes he is a man, team fires man in search of a God. It’s a tale as old as time. Okay, so maybe this won’t make the Disney catalog anytime soon (though a live action money grab could be just around the corner), but poor James Franklin. Wait, what’s that, he has a $49 buyout with very little offset language? Winning! Be careful what you wish for Penn State. TOB has no love for James Franklin, but you could do a lot worse than winning 10 games a year and having a shot at the playoffs. Texas got rid of Mack Brown for the same reason then went into 6-6 purgatory for about 10 years.
We are almost there, just another week or two, nope, let’s do it now, our official NO ONE IS GOOD breakdown:
1. Ohio State: Soft schedule, barely beat a Texas team that obviously sucks
2. Miami: Louisville, ever heard of them, woof
3. Indiana: Might be good, rumors of Cignetti to Penn State will likely derail season
4. Texas A&M: Close wins over crappy Auburn and mediocre Florida
5. Ole Miss: Barely beat Washington State, the other shoe will drop soon, may be one year away
6. Alabama: Lost to a crappy FSU team
7. Texas Tech: Big 12 sucks
8. Oregon: Lost at home, barely beat a team that just fired their coach
9. Georgia: Too many close games to lesser competition, lost to Bama, who we already established is no good
10. LSU: They are 10? Wow it’s a thin year, glad they went to a 12 team playoff
We could go on, but we will cap it at 10 for various reasons (TOB just heard the kids moving around upstairs, we need to wrap this up!).
Conference play will likely lead to the SEC eating each other, somehow the BIG 10 has scheduled the big boys to avoid each other for another year so they’ll get 4 teams in the playoff. TOB will say it until the day he dies (though people have already stopped listening), expanding the playoff has not allowed “more worthy teams that would normally get shafted” into the playoff, it is allowing mediocre teams in who now puff their chest. The teams from 5 on down in the above stellar analysis have no business being in a run to the championship. They should go play in a nice bowl game (TOB would love to see Bama / Oregon in the Rose Bowl). What’s that, The Rose Bowl is the PAC 12 vs BIG 10 traditionally? What’s the PAC 12?
TOB will concede that the regular season hasn’t lost as much luster as it seemed it would. Georgia / Bama was still a fun game, even if the loser still has a good chance to make the playoff. If anything, it gives teams one mulligan (Oklahoma).
Brief MLB analysis. I think that Ohtani kid is going to be okay after all. Is MLB keeping the champagne companies in business? The LA Dodgers have popped champagne when clinching a playoff spot, clinching the division, winning the wild card round, winning the division round, and now winning the NLCS. That’s a shitload of champagne, and they still have games to play! So much for the younger generation not boozing.
Next week’s topics:
· MLB Playoffs / Awards – Well, maybe
· Local pumpkin patch reviews – Weather pending
· CFB “analysis” and further non-sense predictions - Always
· STL opening a “Women’s Sports Bar”, let’s dive into that hornets nest – Pending the article is written on a Friday night with a couple of bourbons, or Saturday morning waiting for my kids to wake up
-TOB
