LOVE IS IN THE AIR
Ah, it’s that time of year again. Valentine’s Day gives way to springtime and wedding season is nearly in full force…j/k, it’s Spring Training! Besides, despite how it sounds, love in the air would not be a good thing. There is a reason they don’t make scratch and sniff porn, those aromas are meant for the people involved only. Anyway, all players have reported and most teams started games this past weekend. TOB was able to view a bit of the Cardinals/Marlins exhibition on Sunday afternoon, and it was quite amusing. Poor Anthony Garcia, Cardinals left fielder for most of the game, made three errors in one inning. Perhaps this is why TOB had to Google “Anthony Garcia” to find out that he’s a career minor leaguer (though still only 25 years old) and unlikely to make it to the big leagues for any significant time. Anthony, the Raging Bulls are always looking for solid corner outfielders, hit us up when you turn 27…And now, a word from our sponsor:
Do you enjoy bothering people with your special diet? Do you like to give unsolicited advice on how others should eat regardless of how reckless the rest of your life is? Want to spread that miserable disposition to your pets (who I’m assuming are rescues, not that you like to mention that either) so they can be pretentious pricks to their dog friends? Of course you do! New from TOB, Inc., the first Vegan, organic, gluten free, non-GMO pet food on the market. Not only does it fit all of the qualifications that a Lululemon wearing yuppie enjoys, it’s also cripplingly expensive!
Since baseball is too difficult to gamble on day to day (the spreads and odds are always strange, literally giving away money to Vegas), TOB and a few others have decided on a wins pool with all 30 MLB teams. The draft is in the late second round via e-mail since the five participants are unable to get together before the season starts for a live draft. Up to date draft info two rounds in:
Mike DeMay (TOB readers know him as the writer of the hate list) – Cubs, TBD
Cheech (Sunday Soccer Sound Off Contributor to TOB) – Red Sox, Rangers
TOB – Dodgers, Mets
Dragon (One Half of the Puck Buddies) – Nats, Giants
Steve (TOB’s defense attorney, TOB drives too fast) – Astros (reach), Indians
Once we all have our six, each player will give his team a name, preferably an athlete related pun…
Winning team at the end of the season gets a six pack of craft beer from the four losers (TOB is looking forward to some Green Flash West Coast IPA). The draft order was determined by the Daytona 500. Each player was randomly assigned a driver and the order those drivers finished determined the draft. In the history of TOB, maybe 3 laps of NASCAR have been viewed, and that must have been some sort of accident. Let’s just say the bar was low when it came to expectations…yet they were still not met. There is a zero percent chance there will ever be a website called TonyonNascar.com. TOB tried to get in the spirit by wearing a sleeveless shirt, drinking Busch Copper (not too bad once you’ve had 3 or 4), and screaming “Junior!” at every opportunity. It was no use. TOB found himself switching back and forth between the race and a spring training exhibition game that literally meant nothing, resting more often on the National Pastime.
Baseball is roundly criticized for being incredibly boring…have any of those critics watched a NASCAR race? So little happens, there are replays of pit stops. The wrecks were interesting (and there were plenty of those), but then they would spend the next 45 minutes cleaning up the mess and interviewing the drivers (“The car ran pretty..pretty good. The team put in a lot of effort this week, this is such a disappointment” – Every crashed racer). In retrospect, the movie “Talladega Nights” is better than I thought, it made NASCAR seem watchable.
Final teams will be revealed later this week, along with team names!
Coming next week, it’s nearly March Madness time. TOB is on record as being a compulsive (and terrible!) gambler. Stay tuned! Also, Raging Bulls spring training is underway and the team looks…well, it’s a good thing the season doesn’t start next week.
-TonyonBall
