Hello, hello, hello! This week’s edition of your third favorite soccer blog comes to you a day late, so I offer my apologies (but for real, get used to it). And as much as I would like to pull a Jose Mourinho and blame the tardiness on somebody else, I can’t. But I can blame it on the weather. Seriously, 73 degrees and sunny here in Ann Arbor the last week or so; I have dogs to walk, golf balls to lose, and beers to day drink, not to mention disappointing college football teams to watch. You’ll get your belated, unoriginal soccer hot takes when you get them.
Anyway, this edition is made possible with the help of a victory bourbon (Woodford, neat) and homemade Lentil soup (covered with melted cheese, it’s better than it sounds…thanks Sarah!). There’s lots to cover this week, so let’s get to it.
1. First, some clarification on a topic covered last week. Apparently, Intern Mike didn’t properly do his research regarding the SI.com writer turned Liverpool employee. Turns out, the guy (Jen Chang) was not a scout for LFC but head of PR. And when some twitter dude got lucky and guessed correctly about some Liverpool transfer targets, Chang tracked him down and threatened him for not revealing his “source”. Not exactly the smartest thing to do for someone in charge of PR for one of the biggest clubs in the world. I recommend reading the whole story. (I would include a link to the full story here, but my laptop is running like shit ever since I installed Windows 10. I totally knew that would happen but I can only take so many pop-ups before I give in. Anyway, google “Jen Chang Liverpool”, it’s quite the story.)
2. Speaking of Liverpool, the boys in red are looking good. Wins over Arsenal, Leicester, and Chelsea make me happy. So many goals! So many beautiful goals! Klopp has the Reds tied for 4th and looking dangerous. As per uge, the defense has been and will likely continue to be a cause for concern. But, Milner is filling in admirably for Moreno (I used to think he was good!) and Klavan and that other dude look solid and composed in the middle of the back line. Of course, it’s not hard to look composed when you’re replacing Skyrtle (hope you’re enjoying your time in Turkey!) Obviously, the attack has been great so far this season. Lightning quick ball movement, creativity from multiple positions, long range golazos, so much to love. But there is one area that has caused fans (me) a lot of stress this season. Who do I start in my fantasy team?! With all the goals flying in and unprecedented depth (for Liverpool), it’s impossible to know who is going to start, much less score a goal. I’m getting whipsawed like a mofo.
3. Speaking of mofos, let’s discuss Man U and creepy uncle Wayne Rooney. I just want to say, I’ve been hating Wayne Rooney for a long time. I’m old school hating Rooney. (And I can prove it w/ my text message history) I feel like I have to mention this because after last weekend’s totally predictable shit show, every soccer writer on the internet was all over how bad Rooney was and how he should be benched. I mean, duh. Man U has multiple better options at both striker and midfield, and it’s not even close. Rooney is like the Ryan Howard (note to editor, think of a better analogy) of the EPL (Editors note: Jason Heyward is a good analogy, still too useful to bench, cannot trade the contract). He’s so overpaid that the team almost has to play him, and they have no chance of unloading him for any decent money. Yet, unlike Ryan Howard, he’s not yet a total waste of space. So………enter MLS! (Editors note: Perhaps this could work with Heyward in Japan; they appreciate his speed and defense, plus maybe he can actually get around on a Japanese inside fastball) It’s so obvious that it will never happen, but Rooney would thrive here in the States and MLS would make mucho dinero since Rooney is one of like 4 soccer players that Americans know. The worst part is that this should have happened this past summer. The signs were there that Rooney was finished at the top level, but he hadn’t yet sucked it up enough that if he did move to MLS, it wouldn’t again make MLS look like a laughing stock of washed up has-beens. But no, he tried to make it work for one more season at United, and now everyone knows he sucks, so when he does move to MLS or China in a year or so it will correctly be seen as a joke/money grab.
4. Speaking of soccer players that Americans know, ugh, Landon Donovan. To be honest, I’m probably the biggest Donovan supporter I know. Yada yada yada, he never consistently performed well in a top league, I know. I’ve heard all the arguments. The truth is that he is the best ever American player (and I love Claudio Reyna), at least until Christian Pulisic gets a few more games under his belt. But for real, did he really need to make his headline comeback performance against Sporting KC? We’re in the middle of a playoff race and LD comes in the game and scores the tying goal on like his 4th touch. At least SKC rebounded to win at San Jose last night. (Not that I got to watch it; I spend $60 a year to watch my team and now that they moved conferences again, they’re playing all their away games at 10:30 Eastern, it’s the worst) I just hope we get a chance to give Portland a double posted shit-burger in the playoffs.
5. Windows 10 is killing me! I should have been done with this post a long time ago, but Word is running literally 6 seconds behind my keystrokes. At least it gave me an opportunity to open up the bottle of Willet Reserve (slightly sweeter, cool bottle, pretty delicious).
6. Lastly, as anticipated, both Mug Club FC and the Ypsi Scousers fell on tough times last week. First, apparently we’re not playing in an over 30 league on Wednesdays. Not that I got nut-megged twice or anything, but those youngsters wore us down and we eventually succumbed, despite taking a 2-0 lead when all things were equal (we weren’t tired yet). And then, on Sunday, the Scousers played a typical Scouser game, taking an early lead, blowing multiple easy chances to extend the lead, then giving up 2 totally preventable goals for our first loss of the second half of the season. But! We overcame many obstacles today (terrible offsides calls, 8+ inches of Kentucky Bluegrass, and Bill showed up) to get back on the winning track (I mentioned that victory bourbon). A solid performance all around puts the Scousers in 4th place with 4 games to go and a fighting chance of getting promoted for next season (please, God, no).
Whatever, check ya later
-Cheech