2016 HATE LIST
(Editor's Note: It was intended for there to be pictures accompanying these people, but Tonyonball needs to upgrade his subscription for that to become a reality...)
As the year comes to an end, we like to reflect on the previous 12 months. We see the absolute best that humanity has to offer, and with the good always comes the bad. I love sports, period. Competition, the hard work, and dedication to being the best you can be. Individuals coming together to be a part of something special and achieve lifelong dreams together. People rise to the occasion and become legends in whatever small town or big city that they come from or play for.
If you don’t know me I might sound like a pretty positive thinking guy… that’s very far from the truth.
As I look back on the last calendar year, there were a lot of douchebags in the wide, wide world of sports. This is completely opinionated and if you don’t agree with the pieces of shit I have listed below, that is fine. My good buddy at tonyonball.com asked me to come up with something for his site and I was happy to oblige. This is not a ranking and has no science to back this up. Just a group of ten individuals that I can’t fucking stand.
I give you, the 2016 hate list.
Draymond Green:
Courtesy of youtube.com
This guy is a turd. He has been caught SEVEN times kicking a player on the opposite team in the nuts. These players don’t wear cups. Not cool guy. He carries a bit too much “swagger” for being the fourth best option on the team. Oh, and he’s a Michigan State Spartan and I hate that team. Fuck Tom Izzo.
(Editor’s Note: Tom Izzo seems like a good guy, but with voice he must yell 90% of his dialogue, that is enough for him to get on my nerves.)
Peter Deboer:
Courtesy of TSN.
I mean just look at this guy. He looks like the type of guy who yells at his wife in public. The reason he is on this list is because he’s a no talent coach who took over a loaded roster in San Jose and because they got to the cup final “he was the reason.” Now you might think he is on my list because his Sharks knocked my beloved St. Louis Blues out of the playoffs. Maybe so, but I say again… just look at this guy!
(Editor’s Note: He kind of looks like Kevin Spacey’s character from Seven, but as an actual person. He may be a serial killer, we at Tonyonball cannot confirm or deny.)
D’Angelo Russell:
Courtesy of the Courier-Journal
This dude broke the guy code. He thought it would be funny to secretly record his conversation with fellow teammate Nick “Swaggy P” Young about him cheating on his fiancée Iggy Azalea. D’Angelo then sent it to someone and it was leaked. What a douche! His teammates then distanced themselves from this rat with good reason. Shame on you sir!
(Editor’s Note: There is no defending this, he is a total dildo. However, a good way to avoid getting caught cheating would be to, in fact, not cheat on your fiancé. That’s life advice homes.)
Ryan Lochte:
Courtesy of USA Today
It’s kind of hard to embarrass an entire nation, but this butt hole found a way to do just that. While we were are all singing the praise of our national swim team for another dominating performance, this guy and a couple of other swimmers decide to go out and get all boozed up, then make up a story about being robbed at gun point. We come to find out that they caused a ton of damage to a gas station. He then immediately got out of the country while leaving behind his fellow teammates to face possible criminal charges. He then goes on dancing with the stars. Shame on him and shame on ABC for inviting this douche to be on the show in the first place.
(Editor’s Note: No comment, that was perfect.)
Roger Goodell:
Courtesy of Pro Football Talk
This guy needs no introduction. Professional liar and all around shit bag, Roger Goodell has reigned with a Stalin like mentality for far too long. From trying to cover up concussions, the Ray Rice debacle, rigging the system to move the Rams to Los Angeles, and the never ending “deflate gate.” He’s a bad dude. Nothing will be more fitting than at Super Bowl 51 when the Patriots win and Tom Brady is named MVP, he will have to hand the trophy to touchdown Tommy.
(Editor’s Note: After some further research into Stalin, that guy was a real jerk.)
Stan Kroenke:
Courtesy of Chat Sports
This guy…His pro sports teams are terrible. The attendance at home games are terrible. The people who run his pro sports teams are terrible. He stripped a city of their terrible football team so he could move them to sunny So Cal. He kicked people out of their homes so he could build a ranch. He has bad hair, a bad mustache, and dresses like he operates a funeral home. Fuck you Enos!
(Editor’s Note: The TV ratings for the Rams were higher in 2016 in St. Louis than in Los Angeles. Also, the stadium attendance was the same as it was in St. Louis last season – on a percentage of capacity basis. Fair to say they are getting far more support in LA than they would ever get in St. Louis.)
Colin Kaepernick:
Courtesy of S.I.
At first I didn’t know what to write about this guy. He did start an important conversation that this country needed to have. We have the freedom of speech that allows us to speak our mind about injustices that are occurring in this country. That’s fine and all if he wanted to kneel during our national anthem. Then the election came and the fucking dude didn’t vote. If you want change in this country, it starts with the people we put in power to influence change. It’s also his right to choose not to vote. What a hypocrite. He also sucks at football.
(Editor’s Note: This is not a political website, so Tonyonball chooses to have no comment, aside from wondering if Colin went as Bob Ross for Halloween…what a fro!)
Chip Kelly:
Courtesy of Los Angeles Times
If I did rank this list he would be probably top two. I hate this man. He came to my beloved Philadelphia Eagles who are STARVING for their first Super Bowl win. He brought his dynamic style of offense that the NFL had never seen before. We as Eagles fans were all-in on this dude. Then he starts stripping down all the shiny toys that Andy Reid had drafted. He outright released Desean Jackson. He let Jeremy Maclin go to free agency. He then trades Shady McCoy for a linebacker with ACL issues and a 20 piece chicken McNugget meal. He then gets rid of THREE all pro linemen. He single handedly wrecked the roster in a year and a half. Now he has taken his fat ass to the bay area and I genuinely feel bad for their fan base. I hope Chip Kelly will have the feeling of immediate diarrhea, but can’t actually poop for the rest of his life. Fuck. Him.
(Editor’s Note: Not much more can be said, permanent constipation seems like a fair punishment for a man who ruined a team that can’t finish.)
Brock Turner:
Courtesy of L.A. Times
I really don’t need to say much as why this guy ended up on the list. He sexually assaulted a young woman behind a dumpster. Ended up being charged with three felony charges against him, and only served NINETY DAYS!!! This dude is a scumbag.
Side note… I can’t believe I wrote about two swimmers.
(Editor’s Note: Fair to point out a rapist as being a bad guy, can’t quite put my finger on what his punishment should have been, but something along the lines of Hitler in Little Nicky.)
Finally the last person on this list is actually my most hated sports personality. If I did this list every year for the rest of my life, he would be on it. I will forever hate this person. I genuinely hope the worst things in life happen to him.
Patrick Fucking Kane:
Courtesy of Forbes.com
This ginger haired cunt! He plays for the team I hate more than any other team in all of sports. Years back he along with his douchebag buddies jumped a cab driver in Buffalo. He has had a couple sexual assault charges on him that ended up being dropped. I’M SHOCKED. He’s a cocky prick. His only saving grace in my book is that he plays for Team USA and I’d really like to see them win a gold medal someday. Whenever he has played in international competition though, he has shrunk in the moment. I hate this man.
(Editor’s Note: Tonyonball cannot condone hatred toward a ginger, for obvious reasons. However, Patrick Kane may be the exception.)
Well that’s my list. Like I said at the top, it’s all opinionated and no science behind it. It’s just the ramblings of a crabby thirty three year old man. Go fuck yourself.
-Mad Mike (One half of the still to come Puck Buddies)
