Do These Games Count?
Oh baby oh baby, College Football is back! May as well make some snarky jokes and provide mediocre analysis…
It’s been almost a year since TOB last graced the pages of the interwebs. A lot has changed in those 11 months (actually, almost nothing has changed, but it feels like something you’re supposed to say when it’s been a while). In fact, outside of having children, not much changes at all these days (same job, same wife, same stupid jokes). Speaking of children, TOB and family are nearly finished with diapers around the house. Big step, we are all excited…but it hasn’t been without a few “accidents.” A recent major accident led TOB to wonder if shitting your pants under the age of 5 is similar to getting a DUI in your 20’s. It’s terribly embarrassing, you feel shame for yourself and anyone who’s ever believed in you, and you don’t see how you’ll ever recover socially. Then you start chatting with some friends, and realize, hey, I’m not alone in this, in fact, it’s relatively common! Not something to be proud of, but not the ostracizing incident it feels like in the moment.
Speaking of shitting your pants, how bout those Clemson Tigers?! Dabo may need to check the transfer portal for a new job and a fresh pair of shorts. Or he could just ship his pants…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xwUuSM06xQ
Last year in the opening column TOB predicted the firing of Brian Kelly by mid season. Turns out that was about two seasons too late. More minor notes from weeks 0 and 1:
· Michigan may need to start looking for D2-II opponents to start the season if they are going to stumble this hard out of the gate. Look on the bright side, their head coach hasn’t tried to kidnap anyone yet
· Despite getting blown out, TOB appreciates Clemson playing a tough week 1 opponent.
· Shout out to ND / Wisconsin (at least they are a power 4 school with some history)
· Same for Ole Miss / Louisville
· Does Miami / Stanford count? Probably not
On to Week 2:
· OU / Michigan was supposed to be a good early season test for both teams. If OU doesn’t win by 20 they may start getting nervous
· Iowa / Iowa State is always fun…if you’re from Iowa. I’m sure they play for some sort of bronze corn stalk or something. Quick, name the last three winners…
· MU / KU Border War was a fun game. Lot’s of turnovers, blocked kicks, crazy things happening, love those bad weather snow games for all the chaos. Wait, what…it was 70 degrees with no rain or wind? Maybe both of these teams suck.
· Ohio State at Texas is obviously the belle of the ball this week. Will Arch actually get over the hump against a good team? Unlikely, and he probably stays another year. Hell, if he stays through 2029 Lane Kiffin may come calling
Speaking of the Lane Train…it appears a 51-10 win over a quality opponent (allegedly) will cause even he to stop throwing a temper tantrum. Should those kids (young men? adults?) be allowed to play one more year? Probably. If this wasn’t Lane Kiffin and LSU would anyone have a problem with what they are doing? Probably not. Sometimes the messenger matters.
Topics to keep you coming back (note – these are the same topics TOB was supposed to explain last December):
· Can the BIG10 have some of the better teams play each other before the Championship game?
· TOB’s fix for the college football playoff that will revolutionalize (LOB word) the whole system
· Why does college football change the rules for the last two minutes of the game to benefit the offense?
· How big does a city have to be for it to be a stupid question to ask someone if they know a person just because they both live in said city (hint, St. Louis is too big)
· More made up words from LOB!
Enjoy the games, even the ones that don’t matter!
-TOB
